Today, Kathy and I are celebrating fifty-six years of marriage. It’s only by the grace of God that we’ve managed it. I often joke and say, “Yes, it’s a miracle that I’ve been able to put up with her for all these years!” But the truth is probably more along the lines of her putting up with me. Marriage is not for the faint of heart; it’s a team sport with daily practice and plenty of overtime. Everyone has warts, and some of us have whole collections! We all have our rough edges, and learning to bend and flex according to the needs and desires of the other person is the secret art of staying married. Dr. David Jeremiah put it beautifully when he wrote, “Marriage doesn’t get better by itself. Many people think that the joy of dating and the joy of the honeymoon will just continue unabated for years to come. That is totally unrealistic. There is what I call a gravitational pull on couples which is constantly pulling them down from the heights of the honeymoon. In other words, marriage takes work—lots of hard work.” Those words ring truer after five decades than they did on our wedding day.
Successful marriages are built on commitment, obedience to God’s Word, and a healthy sense of humor (especially when you’re both trying to remember why you walked into the kitchen). Jeremiah reminds us that if we don’t resist the gravitational pull of selfishness, we’ll eventually crash. He writes, “If we don’t resist the gravitational pull, and by the power of the Holy Spirit do that which is supernatural, we will not do that which will keep marriages together.” It’s all about that “renewing of the mind” Paul talks about in Romans 12:2—deciding daily to yield to God instead of our natural desires. Without that hard work, marriage can rust faster than an abandoned pickup left out in a rainstorm. Jeremiah adds, “When someone says to me, ‘I just don’t love her anymore,’ what I hear is, ‘I’ve decided not to obey God anymore.’ They have confused love, which is an act of the will, with the emotional and romantic feelings which follow obedience to God.” Feelings are wonderful, but they make a lousy foundation for a lifelong commitment.
I’d also argue that prayer is like the oil that keeps the marriage engine running smoothly. As old-fashioned as it sounds, I still believe that a family who prays together stays together. We need to pray for our own marriages and for others who are struggling. I once received an email after posting a devotion on the importance of family. The writer said, “This devotion especially touched my heart. I continue to experience heartache caused by divorce and pray for anyone who is struggling in their marriages. I see the pain in my son’s life caused by his divorce—and of course, in his children’s lives. So, I will continue to pray for people to work diligently on keeping their marriages growing.” That simple note reminded me that love, like faith, survives best when it’s watered daily—with patience, laughter, forgiveness, and a whole lot of prayer.