Author Robert Byrne once quipped, “Anyone who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.” This humorous statement hits home with what any adult with a brain knows: Sex is very, very important to men. Research consistently shows that between 80 and 90 percent of men view sex as the most important aspect of their marriage. When asked what one thing they would like to change in their marriages, they wish that their wives would be more interested in sex and more willing to initiate physical intimacy.
No doubt, our sexually explicit culture plays into the prominence of sex on a man’s mind. He can’t open the newspaper, turn on the television, surf the Internet, or walk into a mall without being reminded of sexual desire. Yet long before the Internet or bikinis were invented, sexuality was an extremely powerful force in men’s lives (consider David and Bathsheba, Samson and Delilah). The power of a man’s sex drive has remained a constant force of both intimacy and destruction.
Ladies, you may be married to a man who falls into the 10 to 20 percent of men for whom sex isn’t all-consuming. Although sex may not be as dominant a factor in your husband’s life, it doesn’t remove the fact that it’s important. In fact, many men who minimize the impact of sex in their lives do so because of past painful experiences or because of the fear of future failure. Regardless of how often your husband thinks or talks about sex, make no mistake, it is a vital aspect of who he is as a man. Like many wives, you may be desperate to work on your marriage. You may long for your husband to read relationship books with you or attend marriage seminars. If you really want his attention, work with the way God designed him. A great sex life won’t solve the problems in your marriage; however, it will fortify your husband’s desire and commitment to work toward intimacy. Your sexual relationship may be the vehicle to communication, conflict resolution, and building the emotional intimacy you are longing for.
Kathy Larsen
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