Chuck Larsen

How do believers manage their anger? We are supposed to be the model of patience and love and yet often our emotions overwhelm us and we lost control. I’ve often failed miserably to control my anger and hurt those around me in various ways. This is a true way to destroy our testimony with the world at large and more importantly with those in the church and those we love in our homes. Yet, I’d often excuse myself saying that I was just venting. Everyone needs to vent. I still believe this is true. But venting should never be done towards those with whom we are angry. Venting for ventilation sake might make me feel good for the moment, but it will never bring about what we want. James teaches us “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

King David was probably one of the best leaders in the world. He led powerfully by example as well. One of the best examples he left us was how to manage our anger. There are a whole collection of Psalms known as the “Imprecatory Psalms.” In these Psalms, David calls out to God and vents all his anger. He pleads for God to bring justice on his enemies. He even gives specific detail as to how God might do that; smashing them against rocks, rotting their flesh, infecting them with disease, etc. These Psalms are often misunderstood and used by non-believers to discredit the scriptures. But these Psalms teach us that God is always there for us to vent our anger. Doing that with Him is the right way. It’s never right to do it to others, especially those with whom we even have every right to be angry with. David’s example was one that left vengeance to God. We see that in the way he responded to Saul’s attempts to kill him. In 2 Samuel 16 we read the story of Shimei who cursed David as he fled from his own son who wanted to kill him. When his soldiers wanted to kill Shimei, David wouldn’t let them. He said God will be in charge of things like this.

Effective anger management then requires that I vent, when I feel I must, to God first. Then I must trust in His hands the administration of justice in His good time. I’ve struggled in this area my entire life but never more profoundly that since I’ve become a Christian. It’s so important to me now because I know that if I’m not the kind of husband God wants me to be, and father, and Christian and pastor, that will make me very angry!

Chuck
“Be angry and do not sin…” Ephesians 4:26

One of the best examples a Christian can set for others is to maintain a positive outlook on life through all situations. We often sing “Blessed be the name of the Lord, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” In the valleys and on the mountain tops, “blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through every high and every low we know that He never let’s go so we have every reason to maintain a positive outlook on life. People who live out this character trait are those that Paul tells Titus to look for when he seeks to find spirit filled leadership for the churches in Crete. The Greek word is philagathos, or lover of the good!

Alan Loy McGinnis writes: “Corporations occasionally ask me to work with their low-producing managers and salespersons, the people who are failing, but whom they’d like to reclaim. As I sit with these men and women and listen to their conversation, I’m always struck by how pessimistic and cynical their talk is. One might say, ‘Of course, they’re negative; they know they’re in trouble in their company.’ But I suspect that it may have worked the other way—the one reason they became losers was their habit of negative talk. At some point they evidently got into the habit of commenting on bad circumstances, the bad working conditions, and the bad state of their business. Maybe it originally got them some sympathy and attention, or maybe they picked up the habit from other workers. In any event, they became negative, and their work suffered.” McGinnis suggests several ways to reverse this, but one of the most powerful is to monitor and change the way we talk. When people began talking more positively, they begin thinking or acting more so. He says to pay close attention to what we say, that will change the way we think.

Paul says something similar to the Philippians. But he says to focus on the way you think. In Philippians 4:8, he tells us “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” True biblical leadership involves a “can do” attitude in even the most difficult situations. These are the kinds of people the spirit is obviously at work in.

Chuck
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think…be the glory.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Paul says one of the best ways to set a good example is through hospitality. The word comes from a combination of two Greeks words; Philos, which means love. Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love because that’s what the name means. The other word is Xenos, which is usually translated as stranger. You probably already know that when Jesus gave us his “new commandment” he said it really wasn’t a new commandment. He was quoting from the Old Testament when he told the religious leaders that the greatest commandment was to first love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and second, to love your neighbor as yourself. Hospitality to the stranger is also an Old Testament principle. Paul is drawing this principle from Leviticus 19:34 which says, “You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.”

In today’s culture we think of “entertaining” as hospitality. Karen Maines has pointed out that entertainment and hospitality are two different kinds of events. Writing in Moody magazine, she observes four important contrasts. First, entertaining says, “I want to impress you with my home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.” Hospitality, seeking to minister, says, “This home is a gift from my Master. I use it as He desires.…” Hospitality aims to serve. Second, entertainment subtly declares, “This home is mine, an expression of my personality. Look, please, and admire.” Hospitality whispers, “What is mine is yours.” Third, entertaining looks for a payment—the words, “My, isn’t she a remarkable hostess.…” With no thought of reward, hospitality takes pleasure in giving, doing, loving and serving. Finally, the model for entertaining is the slick women’s magazines with their alluring pictures of foods and rooms. The model for hospitality is the Word of God. Christ sanctifies our simple fare and makes it holy, useful.

In our fast food culture where time is our scarcest resource, it’s difficult to sacrifice it to be hospitable to the stranger. Hospitality takes time! We visited a small country Church about 80 miles east of Dallas with only about 25 people in attendance. We were invited to dinner by just about every one of them. They did it with such enthusiasm that we’ve never forgotten it. That was leadership by example!

Chuck
“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9

Greed, or the profit motif, has destroyed many reputations; not only of those in corporate America, but also those in evangelical Christianity. Without naming names today I know of two very solid evangelical ministries, one male one female, that are facing extinction while their founders face prison terms for tax evasion, fraud, misappropriation, and other crimes against their constituents. It’s difficult to say whether those ministries will survive such scandal. We must face the fact that materialism for us today is a real problem. If we are to manage our mission, and protect our reputation, we must be above board in every possible way in how we handle our finances.

The Foundation for New Era Philanthropy was a notorious Ponzi scheme that operated from 1989 until its collapse in 1995 after having raised over $500 million from 1100 donors and embezzled $135 million of this. Most of the money was stolen from Christian religious organizations. John Bennett, the founder, was sent to prison for the scheme. Country Bible Church had an opportunity to participate in this scheme that promised to return our investment double-fold in six months as it had for earlier investors. I was personally taken in by it like many others and wanted to take part in it. But there were several men on our elder board that were skeptical and prevented that from happening. There was something at work in these men besides “the profit motif.” They saved us from destroying our reputation with our congregation and the public at large. I learned a profound lesson from these men. When you let your desire to get something for nothing motivate you, you are acting on a “profit motif” that could be damaging to your reputation.

Gambling can destroy one’s reputation as well. Just as I’ve seen alcohol destroy families, marriages, occupations and reputations, so too has gambling. The bible doesn’t condemn gambling, but it does offer many warnings about it. One article explained it this way, “The Bible emphasizes the sovereignty of God in the direction of human events; gambling looks to chance and good luck. The Bible indicates that man is to work creatively and use his possessions for the good of others; gambling fosters a something-for-nothing attitude. The Bible calls for careful stewardship; gambling calls for reckless abandon. The Bible condemns covetousness and materialism; gambling has both at its heart. The moral thrust of the Bible is love for God and neighbor; gambling seeks personal gain and pleasure at another person’s loss and pain.”

Chuck
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…” Psalm 23:1

Reputation is the most important thing for those who desire to have a positive influence on others in the world today. Sexual scandal, family dysfunction and inflexibility in relationships mar that reputation in many ways. Another area of life that is in constant review by other believers and the world at large is the consumption of alcohol.

God has called all Christians to be committed to His mastery, His ministry as well as His message. Just as Israel was to be the example in the world of a healthy, happy society living under the guidelines of God’s Word, so too are believers today. God always held Israel to a higher standard because he expected them to be a “light” in a dark world. In the community of Israel he also called those with special functions, the priests and the political leaders, to even higher standards than the general populace. He said to the priests, “Do not drink wine or strong drink, neither you nor your sons with you, when you come into the tent of meeting, so that you may not die—it is a perpetual statute throughout your generations” (Lev. 10:9). He speaks to kings and leaders about the wisdom of abstinence as well. He says, “It is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to desire strong drink, lest they drink and forget what is decreed, and pervert the rights of all the afflicted” (Prov. 31:4–5).

Alcohol has destroyed the reputation of many solid Christians. The Bible doesn’t command total abstinence, but it does emphasize it. Though our Lord Jesus drank wine while here on earth, He is today a “total abstainer.” Wiersbe points out, “People who claim Jesus as their example in social drinking, and even point out that He turned water into wine, should take Luke 22:18 into consideration: For I say unto you, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine, until the kingdom of God shall come.” Alcohol advertisements show the beautiful, successful people enjoying life with their product. But I’ve seen firsthand where alcohol destroyed families, marriages, bodies, minds as well as careers. Longtime baseball coach and manager Connie Mack said “alcohol had no more place in the human body than sand had in the gas tank of an automobile. Alcohol is a narcotic, not a food; it destroys, not nourishes.” I’ve found the best way to avoid destroying our reputation is not to drink at all. I read a proverb that said, “First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, and then the drink takes the man.”

Chuck
“Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.” Proverbs 20:1

Biblical leadership always begins with our example. If we’re not living the life, nothing we say calling others to the life will be of much value. You’ve heard it said that what you do speaks so much louder than what you say that I can’t hear what you say. Paul has already instructed Titus to look for people with good reputations regarding their sexual conduct and their family priorities. Now he adds that a person must not be “self-willed.” The phrase describes the uncooperative spirit that demands its own way regardless of the views of others or regardless of the consequences.

Self-willed people are often successful people by the world’s standards. The aggressive, self-assertive people gain the reputation of being able to get things done. But this characteristic is not what biblical leadership is all about. Every believer must be continually on guard against self-will, self-fulfillment, self-assertion, and self-glory. It not only disregards and belittles the views and welfare of others, but also can even disregard and attempt to replace God’s will with its own.

When things don’t go your way, do you pout and dig in your heels? Do you take a stubborn attitude that resists authority and insists on your own way? That’s the response that Dathan and Abiram had to Moses’ invitation to a meeting (Num. 16:12). Their attitude seemed to be the all-too-common one of “My way or the highway!” The tragic outcome of Korah’s rebellion is a lesson in conflict resolution. Stubbornness can be a valuable asset in overcoming obstacles. But when the “obstacle” standing in one’s way is a divinely appointed authority, as Moses was, then resistance is not the right course. How do you go about resolving conflict and dealing with disappointment? Have you worn out your shoes—and your relationships—by digging in your heels too many times? Why not try a different approach?

Chuck
“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority…” 1 Peter 2:13

True Biblical leadership is leadership by example. Paul told Titus to keep his eyes open for people whose lives are above reproach. Leaders must be those who have good reputations. The first thing that destroys a person’s reputation is sexual impurity. Leadership begins at home! The relationship one has with their spouses is of first importance as far as reputation is concerned and the second thing is the family in general. Paul charges Titus, Timothy and all of us to give highest priority in disciple making to the members of our immediate family; our children.

Paul tells Titus to look for leaders among those whose children are faithful and not given to “dissipation.” This last term refers to older children who are rebellious. In my day they were called “juvenile delinquents.” In a study conducted several years ago, sociologists Sheldon and Eleanor Glueck of Harvard University identified several crucial factors in the development of juvenile delinquency. They created a test that can, with about 90 percent accuracy, predict future delinquency of children five to six years old. They listed four necessary factors in preventing juvenile delinquency. First, the father’s discipline must be firm, fair, and consistent. Second, the mother must know where her children are and what they are doing at all times and be with them as much as possible. Third, the children need to see affection demonstrated between their parents and from their parents to them. And fourth, the family must spend time together as a unit.
Similar studies suggest that right parent-child relationships normally occur in contexts where the parents genuinely love one another, where discipline is consistent, where the child senses that he or she is loved, where the parents set a positive moral and spiritual example.

John MacArthur summarizes these findings this way: “The bottom line is this: The example you live out before your children is what most affects them. Many parents make the mistake of being overly concerned about how they are perceived in the church and in the community, while completely disregarding the way they live before their children. Nothing makes the truth more distasteful to a child than to have a hypocritical or spiritually shallow parent who affirms the truth publicly but denies it in the home.”

Chuck
“If someone does not know how to lead the family, how can that person take care of God’s church?” 1 Timothy 3:5