Chuck Larsen

Paul instructs Titus to look for people who exercise self-control, because they are the ones who lead best by example. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit according to Paul’s letter to the Galatians; “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.”

Self-control is not a popular idea in today’s market. We are prompted to have everything and anything we want right now and there’s no need to wait. We are even taught in the media that unfulfilled or repressed desires and drives lead to great harm. Yet, the very opposite is true. When desire gains the upper hand it is always deadly. It always results in more pain and seldom comes through on it promises. Self-control is nothing more than delaying gratification at the moment for some greater gratification in the future. Self-control is learning to put off the pleasures of the moment for greater rewards in the future. The rewards of the moment are always temporary and according to Jesus will not last. That’s why he tells us to lay up for ourselves rewards in heaven where neither rust nor decay can touch them.”

Self-control serves us all well as proven by one psychologist. At a preschool on the Stanford University campus he told children that they could have a single treat, such as a marshmallow, right now. However, if they would wait while the experimenter ran an errand, they could have two marshmallows. Some preschoolers grabbed the marshmallow immediately, but others were able to wait what, for them, must have seemed an endless 20 minutes. To sustain themselves in their struggle, they covered their eyes so they wouldn’t see the temptation, rested their heads on their arms, talked to themselves, sang, even tried to sleep. These plucky kids got the two-marshmallow reward. The interesting part of this experiment came in the follow-up. The children who as 4-year-olds had been able to wait for the two marshmallows were, as adolescents, still able to delay gratification in pursuing their goals. They were more socially competent and self-assertive, and better able to cope with life’s frustrations. In contrast, the kids who grabbed the one marshmallow were, as adolescents, more likely to be stubborn, indecisive, and stressed.

Chuck
“God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Piety is often misunderstood. When Paul instructed Titus to look for those who were “pious” he didn’t mean to look for those who “looked” pious. Looks can be deceiving. Jesus was always confronting those who “looked” pious and put on religious heirs before the public, yet they were filled with decay on the inside like a casket. It doesn’t matter how beautiful the casket. When Howard Carter and his associates found the tomb of King Tutankhamen, they opened up his casket and found another within it. They opened up the second, which was covered with gold leaf, and found a third. Inside the third casket was a fourth made of pure gold. The pharaoh’s body was in the fourth, wrapped in gold cloth with a gold face mask. But when the body was unwrapped, it was leathery and shriveled. Whether we are trying to cloak a dead spiritual life, or something else, in caskets of gold to impress others, the beauty of the exterior does not change the absence of life on the interior.

Paul doesn’t tell us we “cannot” observe rituals or ceremonies, but he does tell us not to be controlled by them. Further, he does not condemn works of righteousness. He commends them! James suggests that it is good deeds that make faith pure. He says, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27). It seems that without these acts we cannot be pious, but it is not these acts that make us pious. Piety is more associated with motive than behavior.

I once read that There are four great compelling motives that move men to action: Fear, Hope, Faith, and Love—these four, but the greatest of these is Fear. Fear is first in order, first in force, first in fruit. Indeed, fear is “the beginning of wisdom.” Scripture summarizes the chief cause of sin and crime: “There is no fear of God before their eyes.” Indeed, piety is seen in those who fear the Lord.

Chuck
“And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear God.” 2 Corinthians 7:1

Another thing that Paul tells Titus to be on the lookout for in the lives of people is their sense of fairness. The word “dikaios” in this context refers to that which is equitable and just and right in our dealings with others. Those who reflect this character trait are reflecting God’s nature and are excellent examples for others to follow. Paul focuses his attention on this when he writes to the Colossians. Colossae was a rich city. Philemon, the slave owner, lived there as did many other very wealthy families. Paul addresses them directly when he says, “Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven” (Colossians 4:1).

We’re all leaders and we all set an example whether we are aware of it or not. There are others watching us all the time and honesty is always the best policy. True leadership begins with character. Our behavior says so much more about us and teaches what we value so much more thoroughly than what we say, that one must be constantly aware of and in charge of their actions. I remember reading a story about Johnny. As young Johnny reached for the ringing phone one Saturday, his dad sighed through his teeth: “If it’s the guy from the office, tell him I’m not home.” That evening the family went out for dinner. Before leaving the restaurant, Johnny’s mother looked at the check and mentioned that the waitress had undercharged them. “That’s their tough luck,” mumbled the father. On the way home, they joked about the box that dad had bought for the dashboard of the car. He called it the “fuzz buster” and bragged that it had already paid for itself when considering the speeding tickets he might otherwise have received.
Later that night, as Johnny finished his Sunday-school lesson, he thought what a good Saturday it had been. How much better than last weekend—when his father had grounded him for cheating on his arithmetic test.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I agree with the guy who said, “The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.” The more stupid the action, the more certain you can be that there are others watching you! But the Scriptures teach us to develop a character that’s the same whether someone is watching or not. We’re not supposed to be one way when others are watching us and another way when we’re alone.

Chuck
“For God is closely watching you, and he weighs carefully everything you do.” Proverbs 5:21

Another thing Paul instructs Titus to look for is something called “prudent” in the King James translation. The word “sophron” literally means (according to one Greek dictionary): “sound, understanding, discreet, sober, temperate, or of a sound mind. I think it means something like being sensible. This makes for a good testimony in the community. The opposite of being sensible might be something like living in a fantasy world. It’s to ignore reality as it exists, preferring to live in a fictitious life.

I remember Helen Reddy’s song about “Delta Dawn.” The lyrics are something like this: “Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on. Could it be a faded rose from days gone by. And did I hear you say he was a-meeting you here today to take you to his mansion in the sky.” That’s the chorus, the first verse goes like this, “She’s forty-one and her daddy still calls her “baby” All the folks around Brownsville say she’s crazy, ‘Cause she walks around town with a suitcase in her hand, looking for a mysterious dark-haired man. “ Delta Dawn is living in a fantasy world. Everyone around her knows that this creep will never come back, but she can’t accept reality and deal with life as it is. It’s non-sense to continually live a fantasy world.

When I was a kid I used to wear a bath towel around my neck and play superman. I would jump off the picnic table and pretend that I could fly. I would run through the neighborhood shouting, “look! Up the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane! No, it’s superman!” My neighbors thought I was a little weird, but I wasn’t the only one. When you’re four years old it’s OK to play superman. When you grow up it’s not a good thing! I’m not superman! I’m a normal guy with some talents and without some other talents. I need to face my limitations and come to grips with my strengths and weaknesses and be what I can be when I can be it. I can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound. I’m not stronger than a locomotive, nor am I faster than a speeding bullet, but I can mow the lawn or wash the dishes when they need to be done.

Chuck
“The end of everything is near. So be sensible and clear-headed …” 1 Peter 4:7

Another general character trait that effects our reputation surrounds the things that interest us in the world. Paul tells Titus he should “love the things that are good.” The Greek word is philagathos. The first part of that word is “Philos” which means to love in a non-romantic way and is often associated with friendship. We know it with its connection to another Greek word “Adelphos” which means brother. Thus, Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love as its name is made up from those two words. Look for people, Paul tells Titus, who love the good things in life. When Paul tells the Philippians to focus on whatever is true… honorable… just… pure… lovely…commendable in Philippians chapter 4, he’s directing us to “love what is good.”

I remember a single man in his early 20’s who decorated his bedroom in a house he shared with two other men with pornographic images cut out of Playboy magazine. It was clearly obvious what he was interested in. Our lives are decorated by what we are interested in similarly. It’s seen in how we spend our leisure time, how we spend our money, what kind of books we like and movies we enjoy, what kind of company we keep, who we admire, and what we laugh at. We often think that people can’t see our predilections in life, but in truth, they are hanging from the walls of our lives, like framed pictures, for all to see.

As Kathy and I were thinking of this a couple years ago we were reading Henry Nouwen’s “The Prodigal Son.” It is an excellent exposition of the story of the prodigal son and how each of us have gone astray in so many ways. The father loves us. He’s passionate to have us come home to where he can show us his love and care for us and protect us. Yet, we all run from him to go our own ways in life and just as sure as the biblical story we often end up living with the pigs. I could relate so profoundly to that truth that it was what I wanted hanging on the walls of my life. I found a print of Rembrandt’s rendition of the return of the prodigal son and it adorns the wall in my dining room. I want everyone who sits down at our dinner table to see it. See that ragged, shoeless, head shaved man clinging to his father for forgiveness and compassion? That’s me!

Chuck
“Whatsoever things are pure, lovely, commendable…think on these things.” Philippians 4:8