Chuck Larsen

With all the emphasis on women being the “weaker vessel” and being subject to their husbands, I thought that I should remind us women that we actually possess great power. I am reminded of Moses who is called the meekest man on earth, yet he was a powerful leader. What is this power that women possess? It is the power that stems from a meek and quiet spirit. In 1 Peter 3:4, Peter addresses women and says, “…let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

Yes, a wife’s meek and quiet spirit wields more power over her husband than her physical appearance. The power of external beauty is very limited. According to 1 Peter 3, the inner beauty we wives should work to cultivate is the unfading beauty of a meek and quiet spirit. The meekness Peter describes for us is the wife’s manner of submitting to her husband’s authority. Imagine the strength and power of a race horse submitting to the directions of her jockey. This is a picture of wife’s meekness. It is power under control. In addition, her quiet spirit pictures her attitude toward her husband in general. Notice that Peter does NOT say wives must keep quiet and not speak or be shy and invisible. The meek and quiet spirit spoken of here is often found in women with outgoing, bubbly and vivacious personalities. Again, what we are talking about is the work of Jesus Christ in our hearts creating a pleasant disposition.

The woman with a meek and quiet spirit does not insist on her own rights, is not pushy, assertive or demanding. She submits herself to God and honors Him by her behavior and attitude toward her husband. Submission is not the ability to grit your teeth. I’m reminded of the child who says, “I’m sitting on the outside, but I’m standing on the inside.” That is not submission. Possessing a meek and quiet spirit is a willingness to joyfully embrace God’s will for my life and His design for building my happy home. It is a Christian grace the world cannot understand. This is real beauty. It is God’s glory shining out of us. It is a beauty that will never fade.

Kathy Larsen
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When a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, it gives her a deep sense of true spirituality. Again, quoting 1 Peter chapter 3, he tells husbands to “give honor to their wives as co-heirs of the grace of life.”
It’s a rather remarkable statement for the first century when women were not recognized as equals but as chattel at best. Much of the Eastern world hasn’t changed that perspective, but as the Gospel of Jesus moved west, the equality of women in the world began its trek through the suffrage movement in the 20s and the equal rights movements that followed. Peter says it clearly, and he said it 2000 years ago: we are all “co-heirs of the grace of life.” In his day as it still is in many places James Brown’s song is still sung, “It’s a man’s world.” Peter made it clear that men possessed nothing extra or special above and beyond what their wives possessed as well.

The phrase that follows, however, has caused much confusion. In the same verse (1 Peter 3:7) Peter refers to women as “weaker vessels.” The weaker vessel remark must refer to her physical strength in a general way. Men have been bigger and stronger as a rule and have brutalized women in many ways. He gets his way through sheer force. This abuse is exactly what the equal rights movement is all about. Bigger and stronger is not better in anyway. It took protests, violence, and great sacrifice to get the world to acknowledge the equality of the sexes in their essential being. I’m bigger and stronger than my wife. That means I get to carry the trash out. I get to unload the groceries from the trunk of the car. I carry the heavier things when necessary. Living in a understanding way with our wives is to let our complementary strengths and weaknesses be mutually recognized, honored, and respected. I like what one commentator observed while commenting on this verse. He said, “Women possess strength in many areas of life which men can never match—childbirth being the most obvious example.”

The point seems clear. We are all equal in God’s eyes. Paul also made that clear in Galatians 3:28 where he said that in Christ there is no social difference. There is no racial difference and there is no gender difference in the eyes of God. Living with our wives with knowledge and understanding and honoring her instead of degrading her carries with it an interesting P.S. according to Peter. A man who fails to recognize and honor the equality of his wife before God is in danger of having his prayers go unanswered. He is suggesting that God will turn a deaf ear to those who are unwilling to do His will in this significant area of life.

When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he gives her the greatest sense of identity. Peter addresses husbands specifically in his first letter. In chapter 3, and verse 7, he exhorts husbands to “…live (dwell) with your wives in an understanding way (or with understanding)”. The King James makes it sound a little different. It says, “Husbands dwell with them according to knowledge.” This seems to transcend the ideas of what she does or provides for the household. It’s more than relating to her as the housekeeper, cook, family nurturer, organizer, etc. David Jeremiah suggests, “a husband should live with his wife on the basis of her alone—who she is as a person. The only way he can love her is to know her. He is not married to a generic woman. He is married to a unique individual who has no exact twin on the face of the earth. For a husband to think that he can love his wife on the basis of what he knows about the female gender in general is preposterous.”

I’ve often said that there are two things every man must know about women in order to relate to them successfully. But nobody knows what those two things are? It definitely transcends our meager understanding of women in general, but the important thing is to remember that your spouse is a unique individual and knowing her, understanding her, will be the key to a healthy relationship. I like what Jeremiah adds to his comments: “He is not married to the female gender; he is married to a one-of-a-kind person who has not been described in any book. Taking the time to know her—discovering her identity, who she really is—is the only way he can truly love her. And it is the key to affirming her identity. Nothing is as affirming to a wife’s identity than for her husband to love her more the more he gets to know her.”

After 43 years of marriage, I still learn some remarkable things about my wife that I didn’t know before. Occasionally she’ll share some thought or feeling or concern with me that seems alien to what I know about her. I have to reevaluate my impressions! Every little thing I know about my wife helps me to love her better. As it is with God, the more we get to know Him, the more we learn to love Him. I find that true with my wife. Just studying her sometimes when she’s not looking awakens observations about her I’ve not had before. I love Chris De Burg’s song, “The Lady in Red.” Kathy is my lady in red. Many are the times I look at her and want to sing, “’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight, I’ve never seen you shine so bright,…And I have never seen that dress you’re wearing, Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes, I have been blind…” Many are the times in contemplating my wife do I make observations that lead me to say, “I have been blind.”